Nobody Really Knows

Currently listening to: Everybody Knows by John Legend, Coney Island by Death Cab for Cutie

In fifth grade, I received my first 'F.' It was on a Math test that I had wrongly assumed I did very well on. I don't remember much about my teacher, my classmates or even myself from this period of time. I do, however, remember the aftermath of my extreme disappointment. Sitting in my desk, eyes welling, arms crossed, paper glued upside down to my desk, I desperately wondered what I had done to deserve this. Why me? My reserved, Adobe expert, fifth grade self based her self worth primarily on the fact that she excelled so much in academics. This failure devastated me. And as I sulked, I remember I allowed my eyes to wander aimlessly around the walls, in hopes of avoiding eye contact with any concerned bystanders. Eventually my eyes fixated on a poster which read, "Mistakes are made, we don't deny; but they're only made by those who try." I repeated this statement over and over again in my mind. In reality, it probably didn't exactly fit into the context of my Math test. However, I spent the rest of the class reciting this statement and memorizing it.

I couldn't tell you much about my grade school career, but I can still visualize the poster above the chalk board so vividly. To this day, whenever I am disappointed in myself about something, I still repeat those words under my breath. Even if I didn't try. Even if I know I could have easily done something different. Even if this "mistake" is a complete lapse of judgment. Somehow, these words provide a sort of temporary comfort for me when I am facing the reality of a situation I have created for myself.

In light of recent of events, I suppose I have found the falsities in this statement. Sometimes mistakes are made, because you were just being really, really stupid.

I have had this John Legend song stuck in my head for the last few days. He has a point.

Goblins

Currently listening to: I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked by Ida Maria

Plan on hearing this song on the upcoming installment of The Miscreant's Mixtape. The inaugural show went pretty well. It was a little rough to start off, but I think I pulled everything together after played some Run-DMC. Then the party really started cranking.



Last night I dressed up and put a bunch of face makeup. Being a zombie Elizabeth Bishop (I was apart of the "Dead Poets Society") was quite a gas. Tonight, being that is actually Halloween Eve, will undoubtedly be equally, if not more, fun than last night. Certainly more face paint.

I've been working on my schedule for next semester, and it's shaping up to be pretty interesting. There is a course over Hinduism that I was rather struck with. Also, a Creative Nonfiction class is offered and it sounds like something that'd be right up my alley.

I was just assigned by the 20 Watt's staff to write for a collection of articles about the best albums of the decade. My assignment will be discussing Sigur Ros' Takk. I don't have this album, and I don't know a lot about Sigur Ros. Perhaps I'll be an expert now? Oh, well. If anyone has any thoughts on this album, let me know.

"Seriousy. Buy your Posner tickets."

Currently listening to: Evil Woman by Mike Posner

Won't lie to you, I'm really excited to post a blog while in the studio on Friday. I'll probably be all over the place, but I plan on integrating this blog and the show. Hopefully I can handle all of it. I'm not so worried anymore, though. All of the WERW staff have been so nice and welcoming. Multiple people have agreed to train me and let me sit in on their shows. Kyle even let me talk with him on air on Monday. Another plug, please listen to City Sounds on Monday nights. It's a wonderful show. Also, I will formally announce the details on my shows (and some other shows I will be picking up on the first few Sundays of November) after my first show. I don't want everyone listening if I completely screw up the show.

This week has been (and will continue to be) nonstop. There are so many shows and parties and festivities this week. As a side note, if you're at SU and reading this, make sure you have your Mike Posner tickets for tonight. I know I'll be there for most of it. I can't wait to hear "Still Not Over You." Yesterday when I was tabling, it was constantly on repeat. So, if you were in Schine yesterday and felt the need to dance, you know what I'm speaking of.

As the week progresses, as fun (eh) as it has been, I'm starting to worry that my school work is suffering. Classes have taken second priority to my extra curriculars, as in I have skipped my Math class two weeks in a row to work for Concert Board. How much longer can I use the excuse that this is my first semester before this really backs up on me? Is that really an excuse? It's so appropriate that my Econ professor (who is speaking at the front of the room I am in right now) continues to encourage our consideration of opportunity costs in decision making. If a trial and error method is how I need to figure this out, then I am well on my way to experiencing some serious learning.

For now, I'll just enjoy the ride, and try not to become too overwhelmed.



Catchy!

Oh, and as far as a Halloween costumes go, eye dee kay.

Intro to World Music Is a Boring Class

Currently listening to: Elephant Gun by Beirut, Mrs. Cold by Kings of Convenience

So, I decided upon a DJ alias and show name for WERW. After much deliberation, I have decided to just go by The Midwestern Miscreant, my show being titled "The Miscreant's Mixtape." Other names I thought of were DJ Right-Of-Way, Dr. Wall (a pun for my parents), or Brainstorm (one of Moby's DJ names). I am still not exactly sure when my show will officially start, but I have training on Sunday. Which is good, because I really don't understand.

The other day, I woke up and I walked down the hall to go to the bathroom, like I usually do. As I neared the bathroom, I saw a boy re-enter a girl's room down the hall in front of me. This is not unsurprising, nothing that hasn't happened every other weekend I have been here. But as he opened the door, he shook a Yoo-hoo and opened it, releasing carbonation from the can. He took a short sip, glanced at me, and walked in the room, letting the door slam behind him. It's sad that alcohol fuels so may romantic endeavors at this tender age. Since I have been at college, I have had countless conversations, mainly with Aamena, about my incapability to comprehend these relationships. I guess none of these people really understand them either. They just drink a Yoo-hoo and hope for the best.

Rezak emailed us about the Yellow Bird Project and encouraged us to snag one of these shirts. The description says, "Like Cinderella, this pumpkin also transforms, the profits from this Ra Ra Riot t-shirt go to the John Ryan Pike Memorial Fund, which encourages and promotes music and the performing arts. So whether you trick or you treat, YBP encourages you to Halloween Suit up!" I know I'll be getting one, and you should too. Click on the picture below to order.



In other news, I got a ukulele, and it is totally bad ass. I plan on learning "Talking Bird," as played on the Open Doors EP as soon as I can get this sucker tuned to perfection.

Tender Age

Currently listening to: I Can Feel a Hot One by Manchester Orchestra, 1989 by Portugal. The Man

Yesterday was my birthday. To be honest, it was probably the best birthday I've had in a while. I had no expectations, whatsoever. Well, I mean, maybe there were a few phone calls I thought I would get, but never came. But that's beyond my control. Clarissa sent me a 1972 copy of Time magazine with Woody Allen on the cover. In the article about him he says, "All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that." It was relevant. Also there is a still from Play It Again, Sam that I rather enjoyed. This magazine is one of the coolest things I own. Oh, and, also, before she left, Colleen got me a Keyboard Cat shirt that's really cool. There's a strong probability of me wearing it many times a week. So, you might not be able to expect everything, but I have some really great friends who gave me some very cool things.

For most of the day, I sat in the lounge, eating cake and watching NCIS. I was by myself for a large portion of time, people filing in and out to grab some birthday snacks. Around six-thirty, Alex, Mike Tassini, Mike's girlfriend Rachel, and I all headed down to the Wescott Theater to see Portugal. The Man play. The other two bands were pretty good, but Portugal was amazing.



After the show, and after I had my photo taken with John Baldwin Gourley (I am such an ass hole), Alex and Mike and Rachel and I went next door to Alto Cinco an grabbed a table. Alto Cinco is one of my favorite Mexican eateries (Don Pablo's can shove it) now. We had such a good time eating a discussing robots, "Atonement," and nachos. The walk back was cold as all get out, but Rachel and I stayed merry by making fun of the intoxicated girls who weren't even wearing coats. Mike and Alex spoke Russian. Overall, it was a nice birthday. Even if Kyle and Colleen weren't here. And I wasn't in Indiana. We made it work very well. So, yeah. Success.

Now, I need to save up for the Minus the Bear show next month. November 17, Wescott Theater. Go listen to some good music and have a good time before you go home on that Wednesday.

Also, be looking for a new review from me on 20 Watts. Kings of Convenience. Brand spankin' new.

After this weekend, I feel like I have started some new rituals here in Syracuse. I'm starting to create a routine. For instance, every Friday I go to Sound Garden and give them all my money for used records. I finally found It Happened One Night, and I found it there. It's a wonderful place. Plus, I think I have made a new friend who works there. He's nice. He likes documentaries. Another tradition may be going to Alto Cinco for every birthday dinner. I'd like that.

A Fine Femininity

I am in Film History now, discussing feminine beauty in film. We're watching this short film called "Your Name In Cellulite." The credits seem longer than the film itself. But whatever. I get it. I agree. Femininity is wrongly portrayed in some movies. Well, primarily earlier films. I guess that's why I enjoy movies like Juno that portray respectable female role models in film who encourage positive psychology and independent mindsets. I'm no feminist. But I still think aspects of popular culture (Twilight for example, perhaps) that manifest poor and inaccurate views women should not be so heavily promoted.

Recent developments have got me thinking about this, anyhow. Beauty? I guess I try not to concern myself with it all, as hard as that is. When I lived at home, my mom used to tell me every morning how great I looked, even if it was clearly not true. But I know she believed it, so I just took her word for it. Whenever I see my female peers making themselves up or walking around Saturday nights with crippling heels and too-short of skirts, I wonder what the point is. To get attention? But why do you want attention from someone who cares so much about the way you look? Of course, I am at times just as shallow as the next, but I try not to let outward appearance affect who I talk to. And still, I say this, and part of me wonders what some people, outside of my mother, think of how I appear. This weekend, a young man accused me of hiding behind my glasses. He said that I would look so much prettier with contacts, or my beauty would show more readily without my frames. Maybe that's true, but I don't know if I should concern myself with such a meager aspect of my life. I guess I had a strange weekend.

"Motherfuck a window. Radio Raheem is dead." Now, we're talking about Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing. I am interested to watch it later this week.

Speaking of beauty, how about I spend all of my birthday money on this little get up? I am tempted.

Hello, goodbye!

Currently listening to: Bonnie Taylor Shakedown 2k1 by Hellogoodbye, When We First Met by Hellogoodbye, Dear Jamie...Sincerely Me by Hellogoodbye

You can scoff all you want; I am dusting off my old iPod and jamming to some good ol' Hellogoodbye. These songs are therapeutic.

Well, going home proved to be for the best. I guess it was all a tad anticlimactic for me, since I found myself packing and leaving for the airport as soon as I had made it there. However, I had a lot of fun visiting everyone. There wasn't much else I could have asked for. There were trips to museums, pizzerias and grocery stores. So, not much has changed. Hopefully I can start the parkour trend here in the Northeast. It will catch on eventually.

Now, I find myself looking over the semester calendars, picking good weekends to go home. As of now, the next time I'll be back in Indiana will be Thanksgiving, then a month for Winter Break. After that, it's sort of up in the air. I'll be at SXSW over Spring Break. Good news is that I have doctors appointments scheduled for May 1st and would be home for the rest of the weekend, which is igniting rumors of Prom attendance. That would be weird on so many different levels. But not that weird. I feel as though I am getting ahead of myself here. Who knows? I don't even know what is going on tomorrow, let alone months from now.

I miss home. If this weekend showed me anything, it is that leaving the people I love will always be hard. It doesn't get easier. As Nils Edenloff from The Rural Alberta Advantage says in an interview in the latest Spin, "You can't escape your home. It's so much a part of you, whether you like it or not."



"Home is where my heart is being held hostage."
-Robert Reichle